15. #LifeIntoExistence : Embracing the "Sins" of the Father
-- There Are No Justified Resentments ---
Fighting has been made obligatory upon you ˹believers˺, though you dislike it. Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.
- Quran 2 : 216
— The Seventh Secret —
There are no justified resentments. Practice forgiveness.
Send love in some form to those you believe have wronged you, and notice how much better you feel and how much more peace you have.
- Dr. Wayne Dyer
15. #LifeIntoExistence : Embracing the "Sins" of the Father
— Saturday : Breaking Fast and Detoxing —
”Sometimes it can’t even be said
It just got to be felt …
Got to feel beautiful.”**
It seems like it’s been a while
Since I’ve written to you
— My apologies —
Saturday was Mini-Dan
And I actually meant to
Write you on Sunday …
But there was a problem.
Flashback to 2021 …
Sometimes I feel as if this journey is preordained …
I hang with one of my Muslim brothers
And we discuss Ramadan
”Do you mind if I do it with you this year?”
”Sure.”
And he taught me how to fast.
He was one of the kindest men
Whom I had ever encountered.
— But he was too soft —
He was in his thirties
Had never slept with a woman
Petrified of approaching one
And he was afraid of confrontation.
I was the exact opposite.
I appreciated how kind he was
A genuinely, generous person
And I felt he should be protected
As there are so few people in this world
Who still value and exhibit this attribute …
And the more I thought of it
It was our relationships
With our fathers that made us this way
The way he interacted with people
Was a reflection of how he communicated
With his father …
Head bent.
Eyes low.
Body shriveled.
Around that time
My father and I weren’t on speaking terms
We both knew that if we argued
It would have turned into a fist fight
And we would have both gone for the kill …
The hatred was that deep.
When my brother and I fasted for Ramadan that year
He told me to break the fast lightly …
We would have dates, then a small salad,
And then we would have bread …
On Saturday, my emotions got the better of me
And I broke the fast improperly …
But there is a lesson to learn on detoxing
That I wish to share …
Note : Below the Doritos chips and nacho cheese is a chicken sandwich and fries. Hidden is a large cup of Sprite. Please read this to understand how to break a fast properly.
— “Upgrading Your Software” —
”Wavy nigga
The way I move
Will make you ocean sick …”**
My philosophy to fighting
Was actually taken from Conor McGregor …
How do we prepare these young men
— Many with absent fathers —
— Or part-time fathers —
— Or poor role male models —
To be soft and strong …
They should not be as soft
As my Muslim brother in Germany
— Everyone would walk all over them —
But they should also not be as
Unkind, confrontation, and belligerent
As I used to be
— They would make many enemies —
So how do we create that soft, strong space …
— 1st Round —
— 2nd Round —
One of the most challenging spars I had.
Rare that I meet someone quicker than I am …
So, I had to place myself in his shoes
If I were fighting myself
— A fast fighter —
How would I beat him …
I would patiently wait until
He made a mistake.
Timing and counter-punches.
Lesson : Be Patient.
— Next Challenge : One Lion —
”And niggas don’t be confident
Unless they eighteen deep
But it only takes one lion
To kill eighteen sheep …” **
One of my previous students
Came to spar with me that afternoon
— It was the day before holiday break
So no one in the building was teaching —
”Mister, you’re short.
I bet I can beat you.”
”Great, put on the gloves.”
Conventional wisdom says
That the taller, stronger fighter
Should dominate the smaller fighter …
That’s sheep thinking.
Skill is superior.
And this was quite easy to prove …
Most people are broken mentally
Before they ever step foot in the square-circle
Either because they lack confidence
Or are simply too arrogant …
Lesson : Be Humble.
— Final Challenge : Fighting Going Backwards —
”People won’t respect you
If you don’t respect yourself
If them niggas feel a way
They better check their health
I got a flight to catch
And these bags
Ain’t gonna check themselves …”**
I have been small all my life
And coming here as a refugee
I remember being petrified of people
I couldn’t look people in the eyes
I was extremely soft
And I was bullied …
I was no different than my
Muslim brother in Berlin …
That’s why I believe
That softness
— To a certain degree —
Should be valued and protected.
It wasn’t until later that I discovered
That I was not bullied because I was small
— Nor because I was a refugee —
It was because I was afraid of
Standing up for myself
And I allowed people to devalue me …
Once I started boxing
As the smaller fighter
I had to learn to fight going backwards …
I used to hate that.
But please remember …
”Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you …”
Alhamdulillah …
This has become my biggest advantage in sparring.
I do not panic when I am pressured
I am not worried when I am cornered.
I had to deal with that all my life …
But I knew my next student
— Being a tall, lanky striker —
Had never been put in that position …
Lesson : Find Comfort in Discomfort.
— 1st Round —
— 2nd Round —
— Moral Of The Story —
”I left vacation
And ended up in Disneyland …”**
These days …
My life is a breeze.
Just as I needed to make space
And detox for not fasting properly …
I also needed to make space
To release the anger and resentment
I had for my father.
”There are no justified resentments.”
Detoxing the pain …
The anger …
The hatred …
And holding space for others …
I wish for my students
To heal far quicker than I did
I carried that hatred for my father
Until I was in my late twenties …
I just turned thirty-three …
Fighting an invisible enemy
Imagine how else I could have been
Investing that energy …
What I could have built
Who I could have courageously loved
The people I could have inspired
The lives I could have impacted …
But I don’t cry over spilled milk.
I just have my dog lick it up.
The focus is wealth in all areas :
Circle.
Mentees.
Relationships.
Environment.
Mentally.
Networks.
Family.
And, of course, financially …
Settling into the discomfort of
Accepting my father
— For all of his flaws —
Has made every other challenge in life easy …
Did you notice the quotes that have
Introduced every section …
That’s a new song by Fabolous titled, “Tuluminati” …
I shared it with my mentor recently
And I shared it with a close friend today.
And now, I share it with you, dear reader
— Because we won’t talk for a while —
I enjoy having visuals for the life
I will eventually manifest …
A life of ease.
Relaxation.
Celebration.
And most importantly …
Peace.
For me, you can remove the
Drinking and the smoking that you see
I am more enamored by the beach
The white-glove service
The feeling of peace and ease …
I’ll one day be there.
Inshallah …
— K.S. Fort —