We arrived in America when I was 4 years old. Settling in Springfield, Massachusetts, the first house I remember us renting was on Dwight Street. I must have been around seven or eight years old ...
Two men are arguing across the street. A woman stands between them - frightened - she makes every attempt to de-escalate the conflict. One of the men leave … The situation seems to have ended … But the tension in the air still remains palpable ...
The man left behind remains tense. His fists are clenched - as if to hold onto his grievances - he paces and is reluctant to let … it … go …
The other man returns. Fuming. He approaches the man, and in his hand, I see a butcher’s knife. He stabs him. Multiple times.
The woman attempts to pull him off, but he is determined, resilient - attached - afraid, panicked, and angry. By the time the police arrive, she has given up. She is completely broken. The man seems exhausted from stabbing his enemy, and the other man seems dead. All three are engulfed in a pool of blood.
This is my first memory of conflict.
Growing up, I was afraid to engage in conflict because of this traumatic event. I was bullied by older kids for being a Haitian refugee, not speaking English well, having a speech impediment, being quite short, skinny, and very timid. It wasn't until I started practicing combat sports at 14 years old that I started to become confident - and most importantly - comfortable in conflict. I began with boxing, and wanting to be sure that I wouldn't be a foreigner in any field of fighting, I joined the high school wrestling team to learn grappling.
My practices in unarmed combat humbled me. I won't delve too deeply into it, please watch this video for more information, but being acquainted with violence makes one kind, considerate, compassion, and empathetic.
There is a variety of political beliefs at #FightUniversity. Some people are Conservative, Liberal, left-leaning, right-leaning, moderate etc. We have discussions about the most sensitive issues across the political spectrum. As intense as the discussions are, no one swears. No one throws labels. There are no accusations. There are no attacks made on anyone's character.
I believe there are two reasons for this :
1. It's not relevant to the discussion.
2. Everyone present can cause significant harm.
Let's dissect these statements ...
It's not relevant to the discussion.
We disagree with one another's ideas - but that doesn't stop us from appreciating each other's character. We live in a world where people can no longer separate the person from their perspective. In this safe-space sensitive generation, people are shocked when others do not agree with them. Once they step out of their echo chamber, an attack on another's character is their only defence when their ideas are challenged.
I am an amicable, social butterfly. I am around people from all walks of life and I am interacting with at least 15 different people per week. It would be impossible for me to meet with so many different people if I was not open, and accepting, of their perspectives - even the perspectives that I may vehemently disagree with.
Everyone present can cause significant harm.
One's tone changes when violence is an option. I am very confident in my views. I am sure of my beliefs. I'd go as far as to describe myself as Conflict Aroused - as opposed to conflict averse. I'm bold enough to share my phone number, +4915752481428, and invite anyone onto The Symposium Podcast for a discussion.
Yet, in my fearlessness, I am fully aware that these are my beliefs, these are the decisions that I choose to make in my life. I have no right to violate anyone else's individual rights by imposing my beliefs. When you're having a passionate debate with people who are comfortable punching you in the face, you're encouraged to find compassionate ways to see the nuances and find common ground.
These experiences have helped me form a philosophy that I call, "Punch Theory". I truly believe that everyone should be punched in the face - at least once in their life - and should punch someone else in the face - at least once in their life.
Why would I say that?
Ironically, in this safe-space sensitive generation, there is also a culture encouraging the "currency of outrage". This is the belief that because one is offended, that gives them the "right" to respond angrily, be disrespectful, scream, throw insults etc. I am absolutely amazed by this theory. Unfortunately, I cannot delve into specific details in this regard, but I personally had to show people why this is not a wise decision. I hope that I inspired them to make changes. Not everyone is interested in playing the Oppression Olympics, and to be frank, people are growing tired of "Woke Theology". I cannot, due to legal reasons, delve deeply into my personal experiences, but I can provide an example :
A few years ago, a friend and I were taking a midnight stroll around Berlin. He, being from the streets of London, and I share a similar mentality. On our walk, we found two people arguing. One was German, and if I were to make a strong assumption, seemed to be middle class due to his dress and demeanour. The other, and again to make a strong assumption, seemed to be somewhere from the Middle East, and I am again assuming that he was not middle class due to his dress and demeanour. My friend and I caught the tail end of their argument, and I honestly feel like I have a Spidey Sense when it comes to conflict. I can feel when conflict is escalating and de-escalating.
As the argument was coming to a close, and the Middle Eastern man began to walk away, the German shouted an insult. The Middle Eastern man lost his cool and punches him. Numerous times.
"Talk shit. Get hit."
Those were the words that I was raised with…
“You only win a fight if your opponent is unconscious or if you've broken a limb.”
My friend and I stood there as the German man took a beating. Eventually a few of his friends came to save him. We then turned and finished our evening stroll.
Allow me to wrap this up because I can ramble for hours. As I prepare for my Month of Meditation and my detaching from conflict, I reflect on why conflict has played such an important role in my life. It inspired me to learn how to defend myself, it encouraged me to find productive ways of resolving differences, it has made me aware of the full extent of human nature, and finally, it brings me face to face with my inner demons.
Conflict brings meaning to my life. Within every one of my conflicts, I'm given a glimpse of my Higher Self.
During this Month of Meditation, I hope to observe myself as empathetically, compassionately, and curiously, as I had observed those two men arguing more than twenty years ago.